You finally make it to the doctor’s office after waiting weeks for an appointment. You have been paying close attention to the changes you’ve noticed in your aging parent, and you’re ready to explain what concerns you most. Yet, before you know it, the appointment is finished, and you’re heading back to the car wondering whether everything you needed to discuss was actually covered.
Talking to your parent’s doctor can be a challenge. Maybe you still have unanswered questions. Maybe you don’t feel confident about the explanation you received. Or perhaps you simply have a nagging feeling that something important was overlooked.
Feeling like your concerns aren’t being heard can be incredibly frustrating, particularly when you’re trying to advocate for a parent who may not be able to explain every change themselves. Fortunately, there are ways to make these conversations more productive and help your doctor better understand what you’re seeing.
Describe the changes, not just the symptoms.
When something seems different about your parent’s health, you may naturally describe the symptom itself.
“Mom seems exhausted.”
“Dad has been forgetting things.”
Those details matter, but it can be even more useful to explain how the change is affecting your parent’s everyday life. Has Dad stopped reading because he can’t stay focused? Has Mom started skipping meals because she forgets to prepare or eat lunch? Has your parent stopped participating in activities they once enjoyed?
Specific examples can help a doctor recognize patterns. Be prepared to explain what has changed, when you first noticed it, and whether it has become more frequent or severe. The more context you can provide, the easier it will be for the doctor to understand what is happening beyond the examination room.
Ask questions that encourage discussion.
Sometimes a doctor may have a reasonable explanation, but you may leave feeling unsatisfied because you don’t understand how they arrived at it.
Rather than simply accepting an answer you don’t understand, ask questions that encourage your doctor to explain their reasoning. For example:
- What makes you believe this isn’t a serious problem?
- Could something else be causing these symptoms?
- What warning signs should I watch for at home?
- If my parent’s condition doesn’t improve, what should we do next?
These types of questions can turn a short exchange into a more meaningful conversation. They also give you an opportunity to better understand what the doctor is considering and what should happen after the appointment.
Pay attention to what happens at home.
Your doctor may only spend a short amount of time with your parent. You, however, may see them every day.
You notice when Dad tells the same story several times during one meal. You see the unopened bills or mail accumulating on the counter. You may realize that Mom now needs twice as long to get dressed or has stopped keeping up with familiar household routines.
Individually, these changes may not seem significant. Taken together, however, they can provide valuable information about your parent’s health and functioning. Don’t assume these everyday observations are unimportant simply because they don’t happen in the doctor’s office.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m still concerned.”
You may worry that continuing to question your doctor will make you seem demanding or disrespectful. Advocating for your parent, however, doesn’t mean you are being difficult.
If you don’t feel your primary concern has been addressed, it’s perfectly reasonable to say:
“I understand what you’re saying, but I’m still concerned because this is different from how my parent normally is.”
This approach acknowledges what the doctor has explained while clearly communicating that you still have concerns that deserve attention.
Don’t dismiss your concerns after you leave the office.
A single appointment doesn’t always provide an immediate diagnosis or answer. In some situations, a doctor may recommend watching symptoms for a period of time. Other circumstances may call for additional testing or another appointment after more information becomes available.
If your parent’s condition changes, symptoms become worse, or your concerns continue to increase, you don’t necessarily have to wait for the next scheduled visit. Contact the doctor’s office, explain what you’ve noticed, and ask whether your parent should be evaluated again.
If you repeatedly feel that your concerns are being brushed aside, getting a second opinion can also be a reasonable option. A healthcare provider who listens carefully, communicates clearly, and answers your questions is an important part of quality care.
Your Voice Matters
You don’t have to be a medical professional to recognize that something about your parent has changed. You know their normal routines, personality, habits, and abilities, and that firsthand knowledge can provide valuable insight into their health.
By sharing specific observations, asking questions when something isn’t clear, and respectfully speaking up when you remain concerned, you can play an important role in helping your parent receive appropriate care.
Support Beyond the Doctor’s Office
Medical appointments are only one piece of your parent’s overall care. Many important changes occur at home between appointments, where they can be subtle, gradual, and difficult for one person to manage.
Home Health Companions provides experienced in-home care throughout Highland Park, Southlake, Westlake, and the surrounding areas in North Texas and the DFW area, offering additional support while giving you another set of attentive eyes on your parent’s day-to-day health and well-being. If you could use an extra set of helping hands at home, contact us at 214-295-8213 for a free in-home consultation to learn more about our home care services.