Have you ever said the wrong thing? Perhaps your objective was to compliment a friend on her new haircut, but you came across sounding like you were criticizing her previous hairstyle. Choosing our words carefully is always important, but even more so when speaking with someone with dementia. The words we say and the way we say them can significantly impact the person’s emotional well-being and quality of life, making effective dementia communication crucial.
Here are five things never to say to a person with dementia, along with alternative approaches to foster connection and understanding:
- “You are being difficult.” Labeling their behavior as difficult or challenging can increase tension and hinder effective communication. Instead, approach them with understanding and kindness. Identify the underlying emotions or needs driving their behavior and respond with patience and empathy. For example, say, “I can see that you are feeling frustrated. Why don’t we take a moment to determine how we can make things better together.”
- “You don’t have dementia.” Denying or minimizing their condition can lead to feelings of isolation and confusion. It is crucial to acknowledge their reality while offering reassurance and support. Express empathy and assure them that you’re there to help navigate any challenges they might face. You could say, “I’m here to support you through this journey, regardless of what comes our way.”
- “You’re wrong.” Invalidating a person’s thoughts or memories can cause frustration and distress. Instead of dismissing their reality, validate their feelings and experiences. For instance, say, “I understand that you see it that way,” or redirect the conversation to a new topic. By acknowledging their perspective, you validate their emotions and maintain a sense of connection.
- “You just told me that.” Repeatedly pointing out their forgetfulness can be hurtful and counterproductive. Instead, practice patience and respond as if it’s the first time you’ve heard the information. This approach preserves their dignity and reduces feelings of frustration. You can say, “Thank you for sharing that with me,” and continue the conversation without dwelling on their forgetfulness.
- “Do you remember…?” Asking someone with dementia to recall specific details may lead to embarrassment or anxiety if they cannot remember. Instead, provide gentle prompts or share your own memories to spark conversation without putting pressure on them to remember. For example, say, “I remember when we went to that play together. It was such a lovely evening,” allowing them to engage in the conversation without feeling pressured to recall specific details.
Communication can become extremely challenging as dementia progresses. Let our trained, experienced dementia care specialists help. Contact us at (214) 295-8213 for more information on our specialized care for people who have dementia in Highland Park, Lakewood, University Park, and the surrounding areas. We understand the unique needs of people living with dementia and are dedicated to providing thoughtful care that promotes dignity and quality of life.