Do you wake up every morning wondering what type of arguments you’re going to fall into with your aging parent today? If each and every day seems fraught with conversations that leave you feeling frustrated, perhaps it is time for you to try something new when talking to aging loved ones! Help both of you break out of the rut you are stuck in with these expert communication tips.
- Use positive reinforcement: Even the smallest victories are worth celebrating. If they agree to try a new safety device or accept help for the first time, acknowledge their openness and thank them. Positive reinforcement can encourage more flexibility later on.
- Stay calm, even if it’s hard: Conversations can quickly escalate if frustration bubbles over. If your parent becomes defensive or angry, resist the urge to match their tone. Stay calm and patient, even when it means stopping and revisiting the conversation later. Your steady temperament can help de-escalate tension and keep the discussion productive.
- Offer choices: None of us likes feeling forced into a choice. Whenever possible, present options as opposed to ultimatums. For instance, rather than saying, “You need to get help around the house,” try, “Would you prefer someone come a couple of hours a week or just for certain chores?” This approach gives them a feeling of control while still addressing the issue.
- Concentrate on their goals: Your parent might resist your suggestions when they believe they’re losing control over their life. Rather than framing the conversation around what you think is the best, focus on what’s important to them. For example, if they love their garden but find it difficult to maintain it, you might say, “I know how much you enjoy gardening. Let’s find a way to help keep it manageable so you can keep doing what you love.”
- Be prepared to listen: Sometimes, what feels like stubbornness is really a plea to be heard. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been worrying you most lately?” or “How do you feel about this idea?” Then, really listen to their answers. Providing them space to express their thoughts and fears can make them more open to hearing yours.
- Begin with empathy: Before diving into the “what” of the disagreement, see if you can understand the “why” behind it. Are they feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed, or scared? For example, declining physical abilities or needing help can feel like a loss of independence. Beginning with empathy (“I’m sure this must feel frustrating for you”) can soften their defenses and show you are on their side, not against them.
- Pick the right moment: Timing matters. Instead of springing a sensitive topic on them during a busy or stressful moment, choose a time when both of you are relaxed and calm. A quiet afternoon over coffee or a relaxed evening can set the tone for a more constructive discussion.
- Bring in trusted voices: If the topic is especially sensitive, consider involving someone your parent respects, like a doctor, pastor, or trusted family friend. Hearing advice from someone other than you can sometimes make it easier to allow them to process and accept.
- Use “we” instead of “you”: Statements that begin with “You need to…” or “You should…” can feel accusatory, even when your intentions are good. Instead, use inclusive language that emphasizes teamwork. Saying, “We can figure this out together,” or “Let’s find a way to make things easier for both of us,” can make the conversation feel less like an attack and more like a partnership.
How Senior Care Can Help
A caregiver from Home Health Companions quickly becomes a trusted companion for an older adult. This enables you to step back from caregiving responsibilities and get back to enjoying quality time with your parent. We are pleased to serve seniors throughout Highland Park, Lakewood, University Park, and the surrounding areas. Reach out to us at 214-295-8213 for a complimentary in-home consultation, any time.